moving.

http://rlowry.tumblr.com/

It's not the end.

Isaiah 59:1-4 "Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear to dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken lies, and your tongue mutters wicked things. No one calls for justice; no one pleads his case with integrity. They rely on empty arguments and speak lies; the conceive trouble and give birth to evil."

• Well that sounds like a rough state to be in... but I was there. Everyone has been there, many people still are. Thankfully God's words don't end there, he doesn't leave us to ourselves.

2 Samuel 22:17-20 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me."

• Christ's sacrifice redeems us. Our horrible state, our deadness, is cleansed because of him. Think about that for a minute.

Isaiah 43:1-4a "This is what the Lord says - he who created you, he who formed you; "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you..."

• This is not a promise for a smooth ride from here on out. Though He is telling the complete truth when he says he will always be with us, we must be reminded that we have been saved for eternity. It is not in this life that we will fully see or understand the extent of what we have in Christ and the reward He is.

Well... I've been back in the states for over 24 hours now. Strange. The last 2 days have been some of the longest days of my life. Long days of goodbyes/see you laters... not really enjoyable. This summer I saw God in more ways than I could have dreamed. Glad he doesn't fit in any box anyone could ever try to put him in.

Things will not be the same. I am not the same. God is great... and is challenging me in so many ways.

I miss the kids and my friends so much it hurts, but God has given me an excitement about this coming semester that I have been praying for. God is God in Romania and in South Carolina. Romanians and Americans need Jesus - and that is something I can't ignore.

Mulţumesc foarte mult for your prayers and for your love.

Please don't stop as I continue to adjust back to the states and live my life "worthy of the gospel."

Please continue to pray for the kids of LOC, and the Romanian staff, and Rebecca - the American on staff there. I promise your prayers will be felt.

This will probably be the last blog I post on here because I am moving to another website, follow me at www.rlowry.tumblr.com

Camps are over. 7 weeks have flown by. 7 weeks full of laughter, tears, jumping, smiles, screaming, making sandwiches, singing, hugging, dancing, coloring, learning, cleaning, relay games, pulling kids around by hula hoops, attempting to play futbol, minor injuries, morning exercises, messy games, and so much more than a list could ever explain.

This last week of camp was a fun one, because I've known a lot of the kids for years. My group was six 15-19 year old boys. God continues to amaze me - even though they probably thought I was crazy at times... they were competitive in the games while staying good sports, sang the songs, sat through the silly skits and the more serious talks, and were respectful during team time when leaders gave their testimonies. I love them so much even though I can't pick them up in my arms and hug them... though they did try to do that to me a few times.

Below is a picture from the mountains we hiked in Brasov yesterday. We (the interns and 2 staff members) were able to get away for an overnight end-of-the-summer trip. As I was looking out at the mountains, the only word that came to my mind was majesty. Seriously, God's creation is majestic... and that word doesn't even begin to cover it.

This is a short post... I suppose more will come once I'm back in the states. This year it is much, much, much harder to leave than last... and some reasons are obvious to me, and others I can't seem to figure out. Thank you all for your prayers throughout the past 3 months and please don't stop yet! The other interns and I fly out in less than 24 hours, 6 am on Wednesday morning RO time... so 11pm Tuesday night South Carolina time. In less than an hour we will be spending our last time of the summer with the LOC kids... pray for us, please pray for them.

When it is/will be very easy for me to seemingly isolate myself or be cynical as I leave friends and a place I love, this is my prayer: Psalm 9:1-2, "I will praise you, O Lord, with all of my heart, I will tell of your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you, I will sing praise to your name; O most high."

It has been a fantastic summer. God is good, no matter what. He has a plan. His plan is good. He has a plan for me as his child. His plan for me is good.

Holding on to that right now.

A couple of the sweetest moments ever.

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you've done.

Not because of what I've done,

But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I'm calling,

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,

And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Quick stories:

*Sergiu lives in the LOC houses. This past Tuesday his eyes were really opened and he trusted Christ and prayed for forgiveness - he had been asking questions for a while but that day just seemed to be the day. It was a special time as he talked to Julia, another intern, and prayed on his own. God is SO good!

*On Friday night we went to a Christian concert with a lot of the volunteers from camp and some of the LOC kids. Sergiu told me I had to sit next to him, haha, so I did. The service was like being back in the States, it was weird! In a good way though. Praising the Lord in Romanian - never a bad thing! One thing they did do was in English though - there was a pantomime to the song "Who Am I?" (lyrics above) and by the end I was in tears. The presentation was good - but last night the words hit me hard, and so did Sergiu singing every word of it in English right into my ear. I'm in love with these kids and desperately long to see them praise God. What a privilege it is to be able to see them year after year and see how they mature and grow.

On another note...

God has shown me something in the past 2 months. I don't deal with being hurt emotionally. I don't deal well or badly - I just don't deal with it. I think wounds, self-inflicted or brought on by someone else, will go away on their own if I "put a little Neosporin and a band-aid on them and move on". Yet it doesn't work like that. Some things have to be addressed. Hurt has to be faced. Fears have to be addressed. I try to run away from the hurt so fast that I can't hear God telling me how he will use it or how I need to rest in Him... not just move on. He has been, and promises to be, faithful. He is good. He never fails. He is for us. When I may have nothing else, He will be enough. He is enough.

I pray I believe that, and live like that.

This is not about me. It's about being a witness of Christ.

Acts 2:22-24. That's enough.

That's fantastic.

Psalm 34:8,18

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Do not fear.

Picture this (for those of you that have been at a LOC camp before... this should be easier): 80 ten to nineteen year old gypsy kids, 26 Romanian volunteers, 29 American team members from OK, 8 interns, 4 staff members. In a sala (gym), sweaty, hot, smiling, jumping up and down singing "Fii excelent in ce este bun, fie inocent in rau" or numerous other songs. It was FANTASTIC. That happened every day this past week. Kids and staff together singing praises to God at the top of their lungs. Whether the children knew it or not, they were praising the one and only God of all. This week was exhausting. This week was hot. This week was great.

Please pray for Cristina. She is 11 and lives in Apalina, a gypsy village. I love her. I spent a lot of time with her this past week. She is beautiful, sweet, and in need of a Heavenly Father and Savior.

And a few thoughts brought on by chapter 8 of Radical by David Platt (the book all of the interns are reading and discussing together this summer):

"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."

Matthew 10:28

Encouraging, huh? Jesus said this to his disciples as he was sending them out in his name to heal the sick, call out demons, and spread the truth. He told them to not be afraid of going to new places, odd places, scary places - because the worst thing that people can do to you is kill you. "So what," Jesus says... dying is gain. Philippians 1:21. God is sovereign.

• Why does is scare me so much to pray for more of God and less of me?
• Do I believe that the Great Reward is not going to be found on earth?
• Do I believe that God is more than enough?
• Do I believe that this life is not the point?
• Do I really believe that it is not about me?
• Do I really believe that, once rescued by Jesus Christ, dying for the sake of His name is gain?
• Do you?

As we begin week 6 of camp, please pray for us to be energized, renewed, and passionate about seeing God glorified.

Also, American missionaries Jeff and Jenny McDonnell (and their 2 year old son, Jack) that have been here for 2 years as well as Justin Hendrix, an intern, leave early Wednesday morning to head back to the States. Pray for them all as they adjust and that they will not go back to "life as before," but that they will seek to glorify God even more than before.

Highlight of week 4: a conversation I had with a girl that I have known for years who lives in the LOC houses . We had time to talk away from the rest of the group... and it is a blessing that she speaks English very well so it was okay that I didn't have a translator.

We talked about what has been going on in her life lately and the doubts and struggles she has. Looking back on it, I'm in awe of how I never had to search for words, well, how I had any words at all. It was completely a Spirit-lead conversation. I'm so thankful that I was able to share with her things God has taught me in recent years, things that I consider a privilege to share because it makes me remember the promises and provision of God and his truth.

Truths I needed to be reminded of:

• I serve a God who knows. Jesus came to earth as a servant and experienced pain, sadness, loneliness, humiliation, and criticism, as well as joy, fellowship, and laughter while remaining sinless. In my moments of happiness, excitement, pain, desperation, loneliness, and frustration - He knows. Through our struggles Jesus doesn't say "oh, that must be tough. I'm sorry you feel that way," instead he says "I know. I've been there. I'm here with you. I have a plan bigger than you can imagine." And it is then that I am so humbled, so encouraged in that while he cares about me as an individual, his plan is so much bigger than me. Thank goodness it is so much bigger than me.
• When I don't feel worthy of being loved by God... I remember, I'm not. Or I wasn't. As a redeemed child of God (Ephesians 1) - He has chosen to love me contra-conditionally and that doesn't change. Ever. He won't decide to not love me because I have a rough day.

So far in week 5: On Tuesday a girl who I had in my group last year came and wanted to be on my team. When I saw her, I was really excited... and then my heart basically fell on the ground. Last year, she probably weighed 60 or 70 lbs... now she's fifteen years old and is 4 months pregnant. It's not like I haven't seen teen pregnancy... but that day it broke my heart more than ever. She's a kid herself. By the time she's my age - she will probably have a 5 year old child. Please keep her, Renata, in your prayers. She lives in a gypsy village close to the city where we live here.

Please meditate on this for a few minutes, that's kind of where I have been at the past week. Up and down, but like verse 5 says... when I make myself think about and rest in the thought of what the Lord has done lately and what he has promised he will do, frustrations that don't matter fade away. Not that things become easier, but knowing that God has promised to complete his good work - well, that's the most encouraging thing ever. He is my hope. And I can rest in his promises, even if I don't see some things on this side of eternity.

So far this summer I have:

-danced the electric slide, cotton-eye joe, cupid shuffle, cha-cha slide countless times

-sweated about 49385 gallons of water

-made approximately 2200 sandwiches (along with the other interns)

-sung fantastic praise songs while jumping up and down at least 50 times (not an exaggeration)

-hugged beautiful, sweaty children hundreds of times

-said stati jos, hai, ajutor, liniste, ascultati... a lot

-done ridiculous 80's style morning exercises a few times

-ate way to much chocolate

-shouted my team name one billion times

-burned off all of the chocolate by playing games, dancing, and laughing.

So we are exhausted - and leaning desperately on the Lord everyday for renewal and energy (which is the best anyway.)

Please continue to pray for me, the 7 other interns, the Romanian and American staff, and the kids - your prayers are felt and needed, I promise. Love you all.

updates and thoughts.

"Domnul este lumina şi mântuirea mea, de cine să-mă tem? Domnul este rufugiel vietii meli, de cine să-mi fie frică?" Psalm 27:1

"You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you recieve the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing - if it really was for nothing? Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?" Galatians 3:1-5

I can't do anything on my own. Anything. Throughout the last 2 weeks of camp God has been teaching me that. Even if my "goal" is to share his love and be a light... I can't do that in my own strength. Whether the kids are listening, getting in line, and enthusiastic or running wild, cussing, and apathetic - I can't do it on my own. Without the healing and restoration of God, I am broken, hopeless, and cannot serve my Creator.

"Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

It is so cool to be able to see how God worked and answered prayers long ago, and know that is the same God we are serve today. His ways are bigger than our brains can comprehend. Pray big prayers. I've been challenged to that as well. I pray that I will believe God and his promises. It's so easy for me to know about his words, but not really believe in the fulfillment of his promises in my life and the lives of others.

This past week of camp was so so so good. We had about 50 kids from the gypsy village of Ogra. God was so clearly at work - it was seriously one of the best weeks of camp ever.... I think so anyway. Nothing huge happened, but the kids were attentive, energetic, fun, and appreciative. The "team" from America was only 2 people - and they were great but it was truly a blessing from the Lord that the kids were so great this week and we didn't have to chase any runners ;)

I had 5 boys and 2 girls on my team this week and it was such a blessing to be able to spend time with them and share the gospel with them - through our actions and through our words.

I love babies. But really... I had the chance to go the baby hospital twice this week. Every time I go my heart aches for so many of the little babies and toddlers who have no one to show them affection, to hold them, to love them, and to tell them that they are special and made by an incredible, complex, and compassionate God. Today with 2 other interns, Rebecca (the staff member) and 5 of the girls that are in Livada's full-time care. It was so enjoyable and it was a reminder of Biblical discipleship. Jesus took his disciples alongside him as he served, helped, and lived... and I feel called to go and love on the babies when I can, so it was cool to be able to share that with the younger girls.

Your prayers are felt, so I beg you to keep praying. Even the "best" days, we are desperate for God's power here. Pray for the kids coming to camp next week, the American team from Ohio that just got here, the other interns and I, our translators and volunteers, and the LOC staff.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE STARTING WEEK 4.

Te iubesc.

Kids after the slip 'n slide at Camp Vetca on Friday

My team this week (echipa rosu) cheering at recreation

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!

Come buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor

on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, your soul will

delight in the richest of fare." Isaiah 55:1-2

Focusing on anything besides knowing God more is like buying expensive plastic food to eat. Like working non-stop for days in a field then finding out you get paid in monopoly money. Anything besides God that I think is satisfying and good... it's fake.

Without Him, I am thirsty, tired, blind, and hopeless. God rescues us from our misery and what we think is self-reliance and gives us the opportunity to have more than we can dream.

He tells us that on our own, we can't get anything right and we can't find anything that compares to Him. And since we can't get to him, he comes to us. He rescues our dead souls and restores them. He knows what is good for us and wants what is good for us - to delight in him, to know him, and to glorify him.

Why would I settle for anything less?

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the

Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and

my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Even the best plan or idea I can dream of coming up with is nothing compared to

what the Lord can do. Thank goodness, because even I know that if I was left to my own ideas and plans... it would be bad.

Why do I constantly forget that He knows best and wants that?

Why do I fight him for the pen of my life and insist he let me write a page?

What he is writing is always better. Something I have to remind myself of everyday... thankfully He is there to remind me of the beauty of himself and the gospel.

week one - terminat!

Condas and Dorin

First week of camp 2011, done!

It included all of the usual first week of camp craziness and adjustments, but it was a fun week! We worked with 7-11 year old at-risk for abandonment kids from a gypsy village, Apalina, this week. The number of kids on my team differed every day, from 8 to 11 kids. My favorite time of every day was craft time because even the most rambunctious and frustrating kids would calm down and focus on their craft, it was fantastic. It was at that time every day I was reminded by God of why I love doing this and why I need to be doing this... God is passionate about these kids and he is letting me have a part in telling them about his love.

In the last 45 minutes of camp on Friday we have the opportunity to share the gospel and pray over each child individually. This week, God really got a hold of me during that time and I realized that all of the moments throughout the week when I wanted to cry, when I was bitten or hit, when I just wished I could more easily talk to them in their language about why they had to sit out of a game or an activity, and even the times when I didn't feel like chasing them to bring them back after they ran away from the group - seemed so minimal in comparison to the beautiful time I got to spend with the kids praying over them. They were so calm, thankful, and receptive - God is the only one who could have made that possible.

Please pray for the kids with me - for God to put people in their lives, in their village, that will be lights for Him and that will be an example to these children. Gypsies/Roma people are not expected to become much. May they come to truly understand that God created them and loves them. I pray that the little boys and girls will break stereotypes and expectations and be so much more than thieves, prostitutes, and drunks... that they will be followers of the Most High God and seek to glorify his name.

Luke 1:37 - For NOTHING is impossible with God.

burn us up.

They were willing to give up their lives instead of worshiping (or even appear to be worshiping) anyone but the true God.

Everyone in the entire kingdom was bowing down to Nebuchadnezzar's statue. Everyone except 3 guys. S, M, and A (the guys who wouldn't bow down) didn't care about looking weird. But it gets better... if you didn't bow down to the statue the king said you would be thrown in the furnace. Yeah, burned alive. So they were thrown in the fire for not bowing down... but they lived. Their clothes weren't even burnt. Read Daniel 3 again, even if you've read it 83 times.

Had I been there... would I have refused to bow down to the idol even though everyone around me was doing it, whether they thought it was right or not?

To bow down or be burned alive, would I still have not bowed?

I would like to say I would have stood tall... but really?

I mean... they could have bowed and asked God for forgiveness later, right?

But how awful would that be?

To not make a stand for the sovereign, awesome, just, and loving God who chose to forgive me and save me?

Incredible - he was, is, and is to come. For no other god has the power to save like our God.

How many idols am I bowing down to every day?

They may not seem as big as a huge statue in the town center, but an idol is anything (myself, recognition, popularity, stuff, etc...) that I'm adoring and seeking more the God himself and his glory. So standing tall may not mean standing up in front of a crowd of thousands and being the odd one. Standing tall may be obeying what Christ said when he told us to stop seeking things for ourselves and seek Him alone. Luke 9:23. (which is way easier said than done, so thankfully we aren't expected to do that all by ourselves).

It's not about me and my comfort zone. It's all about God. May knowing him better and sharing his word be my greatest desire far above all the things that don't matter. That's what I'm here for. It's what I was created for.

Just some thoughts...

We are into our first week of camp of the summer and it is CRAZY. But fantastic! Details about the kids, camp, etc. coming later!

ECHIPA VERDE!

I'm here!

These verses describe my prayers for this summer:

Psalm 115:1 "Not to us, O Lord, but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

Psalm 119:33-37 "Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all of my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word."

Well, the 7 other interns and I arrived in Romania on Sunday night after about 30 hours of traveling that included electrical difficulties, missed flights, extra flights, and long layovers. However, God is good and it was in the end a smooth trip. On our first day we had some more orientation with the staff here, went to clean and set up the land and buildings that we will be using on a lot of Fridays with the kids, and then went on a group trip with Alina to the grocery store. Picture it - 7 Americans, a British girl (the 8th intern!) walking with one buggy and shopping in a crowded grocery store :) When we got home, Heather and I made spaghetti for everyone and learned as it somewhat fell apart in our mouths that the type of pasta you buy here matters! ha. I am being reminded constantly of why I love this place, the kids (some of which we finally got to see today!), and the encouraging community that the intern “family” provides. There is a bird living in the attic directly above mine and Samantha’s room, he loves to dance at night apparently and we have affectionately named him Archibald. I got my suitcase today! I had never hugged a suitcase before today, but there is a first time for everything. Also, we got to spend time at the baby hospital loving on precious, precious babies and toddlers who are desperate for affection – a beautiful (yet sad) second day back in Romania. We also got to visit with the LOC kids! They have grown so much and it was so great to be able to catch up with them. I shouldn’t say that I’m tired yet, because camp has not even started… but the jet lag is making us all tired.

Seeing the babies, kids, and meeting with the students that will be our translators all summer made for an extremely busy day, yet so many opportunities to get more excited about all that God is going to do this summer in so many areas.

CAN'T WAIT to hug this boy... what an incredible picture of God's beauty they all are.

2 Corinthians 5: 13-15

"If we are 'out of our mind,' as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

Just a verse that stuck out to me while I was reading yesterday. Mhmm :) I believe God has something huge for this summer. Something new, incredible, and refreshing in store. I am so thankful for my Savior - he doesn't need me to carry out his work, but he loves me, has a desire to know me, and allows me to serve him and have a part of working on his masterpiece of which I can only see a tiny speck right now.

Things here in Dallas are great, we all fly to Romania on Saturday (except for the eighth intern, Jen, who is in/from England. She's meeting us there!) It is clear that God has worked in the craziest, yet most beautiful and unique ways to bring all 8 of us to be on this team.

Please be praying for us as we continue to prep and be oriented for the summer, it can be information overload and it isn't hard to get consumed by tasks and lose sight of our main purpose: to further Christ's kingdom and the children and teenagers we are ministering to.

For our intern team - Samantha, Julia, Heather, Jen, Austin, Justin, Andrew and I, that we will have unity and will continue to be an encouragement to one another.

For the Livada (Fundatia LOC) staff and volunteers in the US and in Romania preparing for camp this summer - that they will continue to seek and trust the Lord about every detail.

For the hearts of over 500 kids we will see this summer to be loved and fed, spiritually and emotionally. May they truly see and taste the love of God.

For me to constantly seek, and want to seek, God's glory above my own and will be a servant - to the kids and to everyone I come into contact with.

Also, that I (and all of the interns) will make time to spend alone with our Savior and be refreshed.

Vedem în curând, România!

ne vedem curând, România!

Hopefully (haha) my title says "see you soon, Romania!"

It was just God, the pavement, and me for 45 minutes. I'm starting to love those times more and more. Running outside without an iPod makes for some incredible prayer time. I’m starting to work on being intentional with that “quiet” time I can spend with the Lord! Today as I was running I decided to pray for several of the kids I know in Romania and will probably see again this summer. As I was talking with God about certain kids and praying for them in specific ways, I felt God pushing me… saying, “Rebekah, pray bigger prayers than that. I am GOD, I am mighty to save, and I am sovereign!” It caught me by surprise, I mean I was praying for things like I have seen him do before and was sure he could do again – good things that would bring his name glory! But it wasn’t until I felt the Lord tell me I need to pray bigger that I realized I was praying in a “safe” way. It’s kind of upsetting to realize that I tend to put the Author of my salvation in a box on such a regular basis. I ask for things I know will reveal his power, yet things that I kind of expect him to do anyway. It seems as if I am often too scared to pray in bigger ways... and I don't really know why! I shouldn't be worried if I really do believe God is almighty and all-powerful like I say I do. Thankfully, he is in constant pursuit of me (Psalm 23) and lovingly shows me where I am not trusting him completely or am not believing in his truth.

It is hard to believe that I can honestly say I am a junior in college now. College seemed so far away for years, and now I am halfway done! Where did the last 2 years go?

This past semester flew by and certainly had it's ups and downs. I suppose the biggest thing that I have been seeking the Lord about lately is his goodness. I have always been taught and have known that God knows what is best for me and that his ways are always higher and better (Isaiah 55:8-9). Yet, doubt was creeping in from seemingly every direction this semester making me wonder... yeah he knows what is best but does the Lord actually want to give me his best? My doubt came in forms of "surface level" sin like jealousy, bitterness, and anxiety over little things - and I can now trace all of those things down to me not holding on to God's promises of goodness, love, and his perfect timing. Recently he has been reassuring me of his provision (Psalm 34:8, Philippians 1:6), but the devil really knew what areas of my life I was not believing God in and was really good at getting me down. Now, I am so glad that I can rest in the fact that the Lord is good and that as his daughter I can be confident that he is jealous for me, lavishes his love and grace on me, and wants to give me the best. And by best - I know that does not necessarily mean financial wealth, comfortable living, or success by the world's standards - but that he will bless me by knowing him better and giving me things that will help me love him more and further his kingdom as I seek him because he is all I need (Psalm 63). A lot of that came around Easter when he reminded me of the incredibleness of the gospel and the love that was shown to us (John 17:25-26)...

I have been learning so much about God's character though studying his word lately and talking with other believers - it's so incredible! I am really enjoying this month of not having a lot to do (I'm through with school and I do not leave for RO until June 8). It is allowing me to spend a lot of quality time with people I love and have refreshing time with Jesus after a stressful semester! Speaking of Romania and June 8 - yes, that is 3 WEEKS away! I cannot express how excited I am to go back and serve the Lord there! I'll be there from June 8 to August 10, oh man, God is SO good!

P.S. Please pray for this summer in Romania, the 500 kids we will see throughout the 7 weeks of camps, the 7 other interns and me, the Romanian volunteers, and the Livada staff!

"You traded riches to run to my rescue..."

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, obviously. I wish I knew how to put into words all that God has been teaching me in the last month or two about his Son, the gospel, and his plans… when I try to and it just seems like word vomit. But at the same time, I’m so glad that the Lord’s work cannot be explained completely through my words… he is so much bigger and greater and more complex than any earthly vocabulary.

This past fall semester was extremely busy and it flew by! Overall it went well, but I’m glad it’s over. I’ve had to trust God with several “big” decisions… and none of them were easy. One that I am very excited about is next summer. After a lot a lot a lot waiting, seeking, and praying, I believe God wants me in Romania again this coming summer. At first I thought it was to good to be true – but I feel that it’s really where I’m supposed to be. AND I AM SO EXCITED.

In the last few days, I spent time listening to a few of the messages online from the Passion 2011 conference in Atlanta. Listening on my computer was incredible, I can’t even imagine being there. Through those messages and spending other time in the Word lately… I’ve been convicted, humbled, and encouraged.
One of the speakers made the point that when a person says “yes” to Jesus Christ, they are saying “no” to everything else… and everything else is a TON of stuff. I am so glad that I have chosen to follow the One that controls everything all the time, whether I’m actively showing my love for him or not. I’m saying yes to the one with the only name that really means anything at all, the only name that has the power to save and free people from an eternity apart from Him, the name people are dying to hear.
2 of the speakers spoke out of Philippians 1. Verse six reminds us that God is for me, he is for all of his children and we can be assured of that. Verses 26-27 talk about living a life “worthy of the gospel”… which makes me think… do the people I talk to know I have a relationship with Jesus? Do they know I believe in Hell? It’s not about if they know I go to church, that I try to live morally, or even that I’m a “Christian”… I mean do they know that I know Jesus Christ and that he saved my life and can save theirs?

Lastly, sort of… I’ve been so convicted about my attitude towards some people and where God has me right now. I heard a pastor say recently, “…don’t minimize where God has you right now.” That went deep. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the excitement about where He may take me in the future that I discount where I am right now. I really want this coming semester to be different – I want to take advantage of opportunities He gives me to spread his name, glory, and fame… instead of praying for opportunities, observing them as they come, and letting them pass without saying a word like I’ve done so many times before.
If that all sounded like gibberish to you all... I'm sorry!
More to come :)

Lord, please drown out my desires for everything that doesn’t matter. Help me remember that no circumstance can make it impossible for You to use me.